baby_elephant

Miss.

2010-01-12T22:12:00.003+08:00

miss you, you, you, you, you and you!!! I miss YOU!!! I miss ken, ling, ni, kei, peng and fei...

Unsecured.

2010-01-12T21:31:00.004+08:00

am using english to drop my feeling here, cause am working. nyiaoO..

The day before, cried when am engaged on call with her - in ma office. It just liked a knife cut through my heart when i heard your sound, the sound you are crying, the sound you are trying to hold your tears, the sound you are bearing all the pain, the sound of your heart breaking. He was explaining from the other side, i could hear him. Definitely, i wish so much to scold him hit him kick him. A pity bastard who hurt you too badly. But, I didn't. You love him, you are too weak to let him go.

Unsecured. Love, is love can be last? If it is, how long it is able to be last? And if it is not, how to keep the heart unbreak when love gone?

Unsecured.

目标

2009-12-31T01:51:00.002+08:00

纯白色的新款saga，是我的目标。还你最后的五百。两个月后，我要考取车牌。我越来越独立了吗？独立得，你会怕吗？

或许

2009-12-31T01:50:00.000+08:00

或许，我会失去你了。会吗？

Christmas@2009

2009-12-25T04:46:00.003+08:00

Christmas is an event which meant a lot for me. Here I am, Sheraton Imperial Kuala Lumpur Hotel for this beautiful Christmas's eve.

Along the way, there's alot of cars, alot of peoples. Peoples and I, we are heading to the city! They're heading to Christmas's Party, Christmas's Celebration, Count Down, yet am heading to work! So sad it is.=(

Year 2006, my Christmas ruin by a worthless guy.

Year 2007, heart recover bit by bit, till a 'he' went into my heart. I picked up the broken pieces piece by piece, I swore, I want my Christmas to be wonderful for the rest of my life.

This Christmas you're not by my side. Wish so much to stay by your side, hug you tight.=)
____________________________________
Just to mumble about the bad emotion at 09'christmas~

A stupid idiot bastard guest spoiled my happie mood~ Japanese. What so excellent about you?! Stupid Noraiki! Scolding me upside down yet do not understand and accept what people trying to tell him and assist him. Who cares if he fall down from his bed and get knock on his head tonight when he's sleeping?! Hmph! @#*%! Stupiak!!

累。

2009-11-24T18:25:00.001+08:00

打从你的离开，我都必须比同龄的人成熟多一点，步伐快一点，我很想喊累。真的很想。

2009-06-27T19:38:00.002+08:00

高速公路的出口在哪? 爸爸, 你的宝贝好累. 真的有点太累了. 我想你, 好想你...

2009-04-12T17:08:00.002+08:00

Pa,

I'm under-graduating for my diploma. My result for last semester managed to be 3A and 3B - the best result for my 2years diploma in TARC. This showed that after done this 3months internship, I will be graduate as diploma.

I've unluckily met rope case on 1st of April, this will be the unforgetable april fool for my life. The thing which lost is the jade which from you, pa. I've no way to get it back for my entire life. There is no way for me to stop my tears and sadness even i've tried many ways. I miss you a lot, papa.

You baby girl is helpless and unhappy. Why our family situation can ran out and become what it is now? It was just getting worse than to be get better.

Papa, you know what? I hope you can hear me and the other way i hope you cant. Because if you cant hear me it means you have got your new life and get out of suffer ever after. That is what we wish you to be.

I've miss you so much.

I do not know my heart and what's the word i'm trying to say..

Hope everything will be fine and getting better..........

A long long time

2009-04-12T16:27:00.003+08:00

Long time never been here.

Ling blog have to logged in to view so that i am here today. It's a sudden feeling to view peoples blog. REalize, things changed, things happened, peoples changed, peoples grows..

I've lost something precious and i was just so clear that i would not have the chances to get it back for my entire life. it's tears me till die.

this gang of mat rempit, i beg god not to bless you all!!

Laogong Name's Hidden Meaning.=)

2008-10-26T12:17:00.000+08:00

What Tankwolung Means

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

My Name's Hidden Meaning.=) Quite True.

2008-10-26T12:16:00.002+08:00

What Sumwaikwan Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Random.

2008-10-23T22:22:00.005+08:00

Hostel’s connection was worst recently.

Went interview for my final semester's internship with laogong and Fong Ting last Thursday. Hotel Istana takes us as employees. I will start my internship next year 09^th of February. Miss Ruby, from Hotel’s Human Resources department requested us to appear ourselves sharp on morning 9am to their department on that day. Happy~ I was so nervous day before the interview, luckily Miss Ruby was so friendly. My diploma seems liked going to end. After fulfilling the internship, I will be graduated from Diploma. I can’t manage to further my study based on my family’s status.

After the interview, we went sg wang. My purpose is to find mummy for lunch together. Laogong and Fong Ting went with me. End up we didn’t get mummy to lunch with us because she’s busy on her works, but I packed her lunch for her.

A happy walk. I get two clothes.*wink wink*^^

(P/S: Actually much happier that is because laogong was holding laopo’s hand on his own initiative the whole way. Hehe. This have to *wink wink wink wink* more.^^)

We went from there to home by around 3pm by metro bus. I sat with Fong Ting and laogong sat alone. About five to ten minutes later, laogong shift to seat which behind us. He did talk with us along the journey back to home. When we reach to Pasar Seni area, a bunch of Malay boys get into bus, sat beside laogong. After one or two bus stand, they get down; we didn’t found any wrong on that time. Then, laogong asked me, where’s his handset. We knew thing was getting wrong, flash back to the bunch of teens, the phone is confirmed stolen. 13-15years old, they were so dare. Si xiao hai, 死小孩!!! Really hate them much. Hmph!!!

I was so… The next day is laogong’s birthday. Laogong still smiling at me, but I was just so mind about laogong’s feeling. Sigh. The worst Malay kid, wish so much to whack on his head.

Went laogong’s house on last weekend, spend two and a half days with laogong and his three sisters. They are treating me well, three of laogong’s sister, laogong’s daddy and laogong’s grandmother. Laogong went out 3 times with his friends in 2 days times. Laopo was left at home. (Feeling worst actually.) I am liked bringing inconvenient for laogong. I’ve cried and fell asleep. Maybe, I shouldn’t go again? Uncle’s “Why you didn’t go out along with kwolung?” I don’t know to answer, I am just liked stun at there and laogong’s 2^nd sister did answer for me, “She don’t know hokkien.” I was feeling… =’(

Laogong laogong… =’(

Result was out also. I managed to pass all subject but not with a flying colors. A- for Housekeeping Management, B for Restaurant Management, B- for English for Hospitality Industry, C+ for Principles of Management and Human Resources & Food Preparation I and C for Food and Beverage Control.

Spirit spirit~ where are you? I must work harder this semester and I really meant to be.

2008-10-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

望着天边微弱的一丝光，无奈。

我想为家里找一丝丝的光芒。。。却心有余而力不足。。。

真的，很苦。

Hard Time.

2008-10-11T00:08:00.002+08:00

My feeling towards my family is hard to describe by words. I am sad, I am helpless, I am suffer and much more feeling. I wish but I couldn’t cry. I felt liked I don’t know to cry already. Reality is cruel. I felt liked my family was struggling to live just liked a puppy which fell into water without people who can help it up. People with ill-conditioned will look down on you or even be a mischief-maker if you are poor.

More and more stepping into the community, more and more I wish to step backward. More and more know about reality, more and more I doesn’t wish to regain consciousness.

Daddy told me when he was still alive, he said, there’s a mirror placed right at the entrance of a museum (I’ve forgotten which country), written on the top, the most horrible animal in the world. It’s true. Daddy taught me a lot of life’s lesson, he leaded me to the right way; he taught me never insulting people just for self benefits. My good daddy, he is not with us now but will be always stay in our heart.

Mummy hand injured and recovering, she work with hurts rather than begging peoples to help. She is happy when I and brother were with her. She was feeling a great loneliness when brother and I not in. She fell sick, absent from work today. She fell asleep in living hall when I was doing my stuff. I stare at her thinking a lot of things when I realized she slept, worrying about her health. I was so afraid to lose her no matter under what condition. Unconsciously, I fear she fall asleep beside a proper sleeping hour as she always said that here and there not feeling well. I don’t know what I am fear but I am feared (maybe, I know). I am really feared.

I am exactly under depressed. Payment bill was out, RM2090, 20th of October will be the deadline, my Public bank account still left RM 800++, my salary was under payment for 4months plus, I asked my agent, she said get back to me, with no news, I am waiting, PTPTN last payment haven’t get into my account. Result will be coming out on 18th of October, resit fees increase to RM75/subject, I am a self-confident left out person, I expected to fail more or less 4 subjects. Mummy told me, house rental haven’t pay, water and electricity bill was always owing, her living fees was not enough and bla bla bla… I am as weak as water, helpless. I wish to hide in a small corner which no one can found me. I wish to cry actually but I seems liked don’t know the way.

I just hope everything will be getting well soon.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2008-10-10T22:07:00.001+08:00

What is the actual meaning of friend? It’s close to our heart or stays just when we are lonely? It’s a bargaining or a sincere journey? Some while I am upset because of it. I am confused by it. I don’t know who can trust and who can’t.

From the very first till now, I am still treating every friend of mine with a sincere heart. Unfortunately, I get a lot of hurts because of my simplicity thought. I get a lot of hurts from reality. I confused to hold on my trust on people. Why everything seems to be so bore some?

Why? I don’t know.

I really hate gossip, trouble maker, liar, backstabber and faker as well. I really hate. Why there must be those people in this world? Ish… Why can’t be kind people all around the world? Is it only selfish and realism people can make a living in this world? Why must covered self with an ugliest face? Sigh…

I just don’t wish to care, don’t wish to know, don’t wish to talk, don’t wish to fake and don’t wish to stoop to compromise things which aren’t right. I just want to be myself. I am tired.

about my pig daddy.

2008-10-09T22:18:00.003+08:00

今年的生日，少了一个我想见的人。有点失落。

这个人对我来说，扮演着一个甚是重要的角色。他去国外升学了。他出国前，我在应考，没见面。

他，在05年的聚会前，担心‘他’会出现而令我很难过，给了我一种很被保护的感觉。

他，在05冬至我想爸时给了我很是温暖的安慰。

他，在06年我‘他’的开始，替我忧心。可是，还是祝福了我。

他，在07年头，我‘他’分手了，陪我，让我倒在他肩膀上哭。

他，在我去服兵役的前一天，来我家陪了我一个晚上。结果，在客厅的长櫈子睡着了，我起程的那一天还陪了我去吃早餐。

他，在我07年的生日，为我学做蛋糕，可是没成功。那份心意，我早收到了。

他陪我走过的日子甚多。希望他一直都好好的。

猪老豆，祝福你。

我的十九岁生日.

2008-09-19T09:05:00.007+08:00

Seems liked I’ve been left my blog for a term. Today is my day, but I didn’t sleep for the whole night, reasonless. Heart is aching. I wish to know why. I am afraid. I am fear. Or maybe, I know why actually.

You meant the world for me. I afraid to lose, but some one said so, “the more to fear, the more to lose.” I am so flustered. I am fear to lose you because I think I will be hard to go on if without you. I am afraid some day in the future I will lose you because of all my fears. I don’t know what I’m actually mumbling at. I just cleared that I am emo. I wish to cry. I wish to shout. I don’t wish to burden you in anyway. I don’t wish but wish you bear my emo with me..T.T I always hope that you was just right beside me when I am emo. I wish to hug hubby laogong tight tight than ever… I am just addicted to you as the way kids addicted to ais-cream. When you hugging me, I will smile, felt the happiness and sweetness as the kids, once they got their ais-cream. It is a simple happiness.

Actually, I really hate and also afraid the feeling of heart-aching.

Laogong know? Laogong’s shoulder is where laopo can lean and sleep peacefully. Laogong’s arm is where laopo can always lie and felt the warm. Laopo always don’t let laogong get up from sleep just for lying in laogong’s arm. It is the sweet thing.^.^ Laogong’s arm is where which comfort laopo which secure laopo. You’re the happiness which laopo searching for for so long. I am glad because I have you. Thanks laogong for being with laopo all the way.

其实幸福很简单。我爱上你，就是幸福了。傻老公。=）

Priority.

2008-07-25T13:21:00.002+08:00

Every girl will wish for priority in their boy's heart. This is super true. Thanks for laogong's sayang.=)

I am not the kind of girl who like to be alone. I scared to be alone. I dislike the lonely feeling. I hate to think this and that when I am alone.

I am getting more and more in love with you, because of that, I more and more afraid to lose you, and then, I hold you ever tight, some while, I will afraid to over held you till you can’t even breath. How to guardianship a relationship?

I am feeling unsecured on the glimpse of the moon which easy to lose, but in your arms, I am just liked a secured little girl. You’re someone who I do not want to lose for entire life. Can you stay with me always?

Laopo.
25.07.2008

a day begin with sadness, will be cheer a bit later?

2008-07-25T12:12:00.005+08:00

Wake up dreamily, sunlight was so weak. Thought of papa very sudden. Tears drop unconsciously.

A man who whenever I needed him he will always be there. A man who cares me more than other would do. A man who scold me for my own good.

Those days seem does not really far, but this man who always stay by my side was now stay far far away from me. It is a distance which I am unable to lay a finger on. I know I am gonna missed him much for my entire life, on the day he left.

He encourages me in my studies. He feeling guilt because he unable to send me to tuition, he worried I unable to catch up my syllabus, he even scant on himself just to give us more, what he does is for giving me the best thing ever.

He accompanied me when I am babyish. He went with me to a high air pressure place which he should not be to just to catch up my idol. I memorized hardly, he vomit heavily when reach to there. My heart as if cut through for my flash back on it, but I did not realized his love on that time. I treated as everything included all the love he gave was in the nature of thing. I did not reply him the love he wishes for so long until the day he had left, and I will never have the chance to love him any again.

He cooked for us even when he is half paralysis, we did not appreciate. Some cause working pressure and tiredness. Against grow into adult, can understand his heart feeling deeply. Guilty in heart will not be clear forever.

The day he gone, I hugged on his cold body and I does not know how to cry, I am abnormally calmness. Today I cried, I am missed him, and i am abnormally emotion. I can’t stop myself from crying once thought of I will not able to see him in my life anymore.

He is my papa, my lovely papa. Sorry papa, for everything that I had done, everything which hurt you, really sorry.

父亲节。

2008-06-15T13:12:00.003+08:00

在我记忆触得到的地带，似乎不曾真的为爸爸庆祝过父亲节。现在的觉悟，是否意味着‘迟了’？爸爸，对你的爱无止休。

父亲节快乐，你听得见我吗？

父亲节快乐，愿全天下的父亲，健康，快乐，幸福，安好。

Boy to treat girlfriend better. so true.

2008-06-15T12:54:00.002+08:00

When she doesn’t call you [It’s because she’s waiting for you to call her]
When she walks away from you mad [Follow her]
When she stares at your mouth [Kiss her]
When she pushes you or hits you [Grab her and don’t let go]
When she starts cursing at you [Kiss her and tell her you love her or a kiss and a shut up works also]
When she’s quiet [Ask her what’s wrong/or mess with her.]
When she ignores you [Give her your attention]
When she pulls away [Pull her back]
When you see her at her worst [Tell her she’s beautiful]
When you see her start crying [Hold her and tell her everything will be alright]
When you see her walking [Sneak up and hug her waist from behind]
When she’s scared [Protect her]
When she lays her head on your shoulder [Tilt her head up and kiss her]
When she teases you [Tease her back and make her laugh]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time [reassure her that everything is okay]
When she looks at you with doubt [Back yourself up]
When she says that she like you [she really does more than you could understand]
When she grab at your hands [Hold hers and play with her fingers]
When she bumps into you [bump into her back and make her laugh]
When she tells you a secret [keep it safe and untold]
When she look at you in your eyes [don’t look away until she does]
When she misses you [she’s hurting inside]
When you break her heart [the pain never really goes away]
When she says it’s over [she still wants you to be hers]

strange.

2008-06-15T02:34:00.003+08:00

Wish so much to cry this few days.

Chased laogong home. Doesn’t hope to let him see me tears. Doesn’t hope to let anyone saw I am tears. I do not know why. I do not know why I wish so much to cry. I do not know why my heart was aching all the way.

When I am angry, I hope you are holding my hand tight and not just let go liked that, even if I able to slip my hand from yours. When I am asking you away, I need your hug more than ever, hope to hug by you tight. When I am silent, I hope you to leads me. When I am unhappy, I need your love and care more than ever. When I am walking away from you, follow me tight, do not let me felt that I am alone. When I am nagging, I am care. When I am holding or hugging you tight, I loved you, afraid to lose you more than what can imagine.

I need your identification all the time.

Maybe girls are really impenetrable, unreasonable. They always saying things which opposite while guys are more to forthright, ingenuous.

2008-06-14T18:12:00.002+08:00

Tired also wouldn’t wish to go sleep, because he was still outside-ing, you will always worry about his safety.

Will try the best to appreciate every moments which with him.

Wouldn’t let him alone, because know the feeling of being alone very well. Wouldn’t leave him out.

hope i am loving you the way others aren't, hope i am giving you the best of me. just because, you were my best thing ever.

15.06.2008 0234
laopo.

father's day.

2008-06-14T14:17:00.002+08:00

the forth father's day which without daddy. when to celebrate this event again?

forced laogong go home for this event. hope he will appreciate everything while still able to.=)

i'm fine. exactly fine. papa, happy father's day. hope you staying happily over 'there'. love you forever.

14.06.2008 1421
cloverkwan.

laogong.

2008-06-11T01:16:00.000+08:00

I wanna be with you, for my entire life.

How sweet? That is whenever review backs those messages between me and you, my smile will appear on my mouth unconsciously.

How happy? That is whenever I talk about you, I am telling others that I am glad to meet and have you.

How miss? That is every moments also missing you whenever you are not by my side.

I keep my wish as my secret, waiting it to come true. I am wishing that your wish was same as mine.

(Wish for our homeland, wish for our future, wish for our eternal, wish for our destination…)

Laopo.
17.05.2008 2131

six-sense.

2008-06-11T00:52:00.001+08:00

lady's six-sense was so accurate. sometimes, moody because of it.

love is not from single side.=)

2008-06-10T21:45:00.046+08:00

"every guys will have a girlfriend, i do not have any different..."

"my girl is more powerful than other girl."

"i woke up 7am every morning to make breakfast for her..."

"wake her up carefully only when her dream was completely end..."

"send her to work safely after she is full with her breakfast..."

"forced to say few farewell sentences...

'do you know how much i am care for you?'

'the world was so cold without you!'

'the time was so slow without you!' "

"cannot help but still have to chase her bus by 15minutes"

"then only tidy up things to work..."

"......you understand arbitrariness of my girl assumably?!

i am "useless"?!

i am not!

i am the man in word and deed!!!......"

"i will chase away those mad dogs when we are on the road..."

"i am still a man in word and deed.
forced not to see woman more than 3seconds...

including old lady..."

"i am not smoking, didn't knock over a drink.

i didn't daddle with buddy."

"i am exactly a living fossil in the new era."

"why~ why~ why i am having a girl liked that?! people's girl was always followed the way their boy want..."

"my buddy asked me about this question reach a ten thousand times!

without an answer, or i am just lazy to think of it..."

"girl:'why didn't take off socks when gets home?! how dirty it is?!'

boy:'i am taking off my shoes oh'

girl:'why you take off your shoes while i wanted you to take off your socks?'

boy:'..i am taking off my shoes oh'

girl:'no way!!! i want you to take off your socks first!!!' "

"therewith... i became the first person in the world who taking off socks prior to taking off the shoes..."

"i have to report to my girl what i am going to have for my meals everyday before my meals."

"my handphone have to be always on.

so that she can get me 24-hours..."

"i have to leave my work helping her if she met something which she cannot settle with."

"i have to reach on time to take her with a most fervency and touching way after her work..."

"no matter there are a storm or heavy rain..."

"beside have to wash clothes, sweep floor every night..."

"i have to accompany her for the nonsence movie..."

"i have to cry more fearfulness than her if she had cried..."

"i have to laugh more piguancy than her if she laughed..."

"i have to croon to accompany her to sleep every nights..."

"i have to mind her, take care her, love her everyday...

i think normal people will not able to stand to this lifestyle, scold me say that i am useless.

but, i used to it..."

"why have to prepare breakfast for her every morning?

because she let me felt a mother's hardship, to let me love my mum and my future children's mum..."

"why have to send her to the bus to her work?

because she hope to see one another more a while much more than me..."

"why have to fight with the dog?

because she needed my braveness..."

"why cannot see another woman?

because she afraid to lose one another much more than me..."

"why have to make hard of me?

because she can only rely on a heart of contain for her entire life..."

"why have to report to her about my every meals?

because she care my health much more than myself..."

"why have to get me anytime, anywhere?

because she care one another much more than me..."

"why have to help her the best of abilities?

because all the help she needed was from me..."

"why have to take her on time after work?

because i am the first she wish to meet with..."

"why have to accompany her moodiness?

because she want me to know her heart..."

"why have to croon her to sleep?

because she afraid cannot get one another in dream much more than me..."

"since, i will still mind her, take care her, love her...

without any reasons... reasonless..."

"because... LOVE is from both sides..."

11.06.2008 0020

cloverkwan.

neglect.

2008-06-10T01:40:00.001+08:00

dislike being neglect. really dislike.

days without laogong's accompany.

2008-06-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday, back from work to prima, thinking of laogong. Meet Vincent, laogong’s buddy, he sat beside me, we chat so then walk together back to prima. I felt he was not action as other people say first meet him will sure say that.

Monday, the first day went college without laogong, thinking of laogong. Go college for measurement on purpose of making uniform for this semester restaurant practical. RM50 paid for the deposit of the uniform. Aiyoyo~ no money already lo.T-T When coming back after the measurement, chosen a bus which no need cross road after get out of it, cause do not know to cross if without laogong.[too rely on laogong already hor?]
*Brought by Fui they all to doctor, get antibiodic for my problem, but I did not even have one of it. The antibiotic cannot cure anything.

Tuesday, the second day went college without laogong, thinking of laogong. 8am in the morning, feeling of sleeping was so strong. Cannot used to morning class. Peoples waiting for bus going to college was so many in the morning. All the bus was so full. Inside lecture hall was freaking cold. I am shaking even with two pieces of clothes. The morning lecture hall was extra cold. The class for this day was very full, but the practical classes only will be start on week3. Because of that, we did wait in the library for the next class which on 2pm. The English’s lecturer ffk us, cause she/he not appear on time, even till the time end of the class. Followed by, we had met our human resource on another tutorial. We end our class after the human resource tutorial because there was changing for our original schedule; the following class had shifted to Monday.[*drop ma bag on to the dirty floor when having breakfast at TBR.=’( *sad* // Get number add up *21 de bus ticket, I had hope, laogong faster recover and healthy always.]

Wednesday, the third day went college without laogong, thinking of laogong. This day, tein jun and sam was absence in the morning lecture, cannot awake from sleep. So pig hor? Haha. Today lecture and tutorial also held by Miss Amanda. I love her lecture and class. She was a good lecturer.

Laogong coming back tomorrow.^-^ misses laogong a lots. Muakx~

*in the four days, worried laogong a lots too. Tomorrow can see laogong already.=)

05.06.2008 0017
Should say, can see laogong later already.^^
Hehe.
Good night.

saturday

2008-06-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, laogong’s leg gets wrick. Heartache.

Laogong sent the picture for laopo, laopo was so worry. Heard laogong said will go for doctor the next day laopo only reassurance. The doctor gave medicine and asks laogong to back if his leg is getting more and more swollen and pain the next day. This careless de laogong.

Hmm. Laogong ah laogong, careful a bit oh~ =) do not ever get yourself hurt; laopo de heart will get hurt at the same time. Know ma? =) muakx back laogong. Muakx~ hope laogong healthy healthy all the time.

04.06.2008 22.57
Heartpain.

boyfriend and girlfriend.

2008-06-02T21:20:00.005+08:00

男朋友，是牽起手會貼心，最疼妳，也最愛妳的。
Boyfriend, was someone who holds his hand will felt close to the heart, most be fond of you, and also most love you.

女朋友，是抱起來很溫暖，囉唆起很窩心，在身边最疼你的，看不見又很想念的人。
Girlfriend, was someone who carry in arms will felt warm, will let you felt so sweet when she nags, most be fond of you, when can't get to see her will misses her.

together.

2008-05-31T17:46:00.002+08:00

Wish to drop down any single pieces of memories with you in my frame of mind. Your smile, your voice, your kiss, your hug, your love… your everything. Felt so sad if forget some of it.

Love can be bitter, can be sweet. Love can be sorrow, can be happiness. Everything is fated and fair, but I am still hoping we are meant to be happiness eternally.

Laogong, laopo de wish really is… be with you forever, and ever. Laogong got it right that day.

Laopo.=)
31.05.2008 1837

result.

2008-05-31T17:19:00.002+08:00

result finally out already lu~~^^

hehe. no need resit account anymore. kakaka. end darurat.

although not really an excellent result, but it is satisfied me enough still with my last-minute study style. managed to get C+ for my tamadun and marketing, B- for my accounting, B for my IT and front office. felt so free as don't need to bear resit-ing subject.=) this semester add oil.

laogong's result not bad also de ne.^^ just it is a pity that have to resit that hard to get pass de marketing. make laogong bek chek always nia. hmm. now fast fast pray pray for laogong, this time really will xun xun lei lei le pass already.

31.05.2008 1733
*unconciously, May was ending so fast.=)

How guys express their love

2008-05-31T17:10:00.000+08:00

When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you're, Miss
you!!!
When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves
you and how important you're.
When a GUY answers 'I'm Fine' after
awhile,
He is not and feels hurts.
When a GUY keep asking you the same
question,
He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him
forever.
When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how
are you today.
When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.
When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live
without you,
He has made up his mind that you are
his future wife.
When a GUY says 'I Miss You',
He wants to see you immeditely.

2008-05-16T13:49:00.002+08:00

放開過去﹐ 才能好好的活。

papa. ache

2008-05-16T13:44:00.004+08:00

"let him go..".. i am still hardly remember.

3years and 3months. let him go? if don't do so, he will not relieve, will not go, keep suffering. i believe the trust.

is it? let go of the past, only can life better.

papa, girl will keep you deep inside girl's heart.

I L.O.V.E YOU

2008-05-16T13:40:00.003+08:00

When you love someone, you would wish to share everything with him.
Happy. Sad. Funny. Special. Or even just a little matter.

When you do really love someone, you would let him get you 24-hours.
Because, you would worry if he cant get you when he was upset or whenever he need you.
Mind his feeling, too mind. Even some times, forgot about the feeling of our own.

Begin to afraid. Afraid the day without him will come upon to you.
Escape anything that would bring him away from you.

Learned to forgive, learned to care, learned to love, learned to considerate, and learned anything which you aren’t before.

It is because, you loved him,
*MUCH*

Laopo*
Miss laogong much*
16.05.2008 0116

='(

2008-04-28T22:43:00.003+08:00

today, worst. worst mood. worst weather. worst, worst, worst.

this day was the first time laogong made laopo cried. hurt so bad. heart-aching. shaking so cold in the heavy rain with no one. crossing road alone. it was really so cold. laogong forgot to give laopo access card and key. the sky turning grey and grey. it then comes a heavy rain. leaking of menstrual, do not holding umbrella, wet through clothes, keep walking. that make laopo really felt very very bad. laogong said the first and the last, laopo cried again. sorry, laogong. laopo did not considerate about what which make laogong hard just now. when laopo get know about laogong is hard, the angrier disappear, some guilts appear. here comes a nothing, but laopo still feeling sad.='(

this term, everything. really tiring. release in the rain, by tears hardly.

girl hope daddy to know, to bring girl once again... silly thought...

2008-04-11T19:25:00.006+08:00

is it because of my unhappy mood only?

daddy, help... help me...

girl girl just wish to lives a happier life ever after. miss daddy more often when the things all gone wrong. what should girl do? girl hope, daddy was here to advise girl, to teach girl what to do? what some more girl able to do? girl ache, who know? really suffer to continuous sticking in this family situation.T-T no way to be tough already, girl had spent all the energy to be tough, to be independent, to be mummy's counselor, to advise goh goh, to lives a better life, to think positively, to do the best that girl able to do. when can get a better life??? why liked getting worst? girl really tired. girl really do. girl doesn't wish to awake. dad, three years already. girl cried till have no tears to cry anymore. why??? life never getting well since daddy sick. girl really tired. really really tired. no one can understand girl feeling. even mummy. blame came against girl even nothing girl did wrong. girl cant get the way to express the thought, the ache, the helpless. girl hope, plenty hope daddy was here.

pa, please forgive this useless girl. how nice if dad can be here and wipes away girl tears? girl just hope for a hug from papa. pa, sorry. really sorry...

the third year's Ching Ming.

2008-03-30T13:51:00.005+08:00

Went for Ching Ming praying this day. I never expected the feeling will be so strong. This was the third year. Papa left.

6.30am-woke up from sleep. I am dizzy all the way some caused by menstrual and also not enough sleep as I only able get to sleep around 4am in the morning.

7.30am-1st uncle picked us up to his home while waiting for 2nd uncle from bangsar. My stomach was painful on that time, suffering. Drank Milo and have some pain killer with warm water. It could comfort me for a little. We start our journey to graveyard around 8am. There was a serious traffic jam. We go for grandpa at 1st. The 1st time I am feeling so weak. Done the pray then we continue our journey to grandma and papa side. At last, we decided to have our brunch because of cant stand to the jam and also hungrier.

Here, I saw something which tears my heart apart. I had missed papa so much. Papa was just so same with two of my uncles till seeing them will be always reminding me of papa. 1st uncle was chit chat with my cousin, his daughter. The word, the sound, the action, gave me an illusion-liked I could able to see right in front of, papa was doing all that always also by my side last time. I can felt my eyes getting wet. I know I am going to tears. After finish our brunch, we continue to the graveyard which mention just now. I fall asleep inside the car as the car flow was just without moving.

We reached to the familiar place finally. There was so crowded. Eyes were suffering by the smoke from combustion; but it does help me to tears unknowingly. This day we were not searching so hard then can get two places for praying purpose. One for grandma, another one for papa. It was freaking hot over there, skin just liked burning.

Went without uncle and their family the feeling was just fine, because that way would not recall my memories. Continuous three years, every years, I will felt sad because last time papa will be the one who bringing us doing all this. (Go to the graveyard praying, what we have to do, and the main thing-papa was bringing us to pray grandpa and grandma last time; and now, we were praying him.) I still remember how the way daddy pampers me is. I was acting liked a spoiled brat, wanting loves and cares in daddy arms. I was a very little girl that time, with a light weight, daddy brings me up to view grandma photo up on the rack as I can’t get to view it just by my height, daddy told me all about grandma, I remembered hardly. As the weather will be freaking hot every time Ching Ming, me and bro will always making noise wanted ice-cream treated by daddy. I was just passing by the ice-cream stall just now. My tear was invisible, *because it is dropping deep inside my heart.* How I am going to let go as the memories was followed me so closely? ='(

This year Ching Ming more shows to me my sadness. I am just a helpless girl always. I was just a girl which lost daddy, for three years already. I was just…

Missed papa*
Needed papa*
Wanted *LOVES & CARES*
Baby elephant.
30.03.2008

changes.

2008-03-29T13:30:00.004+08:00

1st semester => 2nd semester => 3rd semester.. things changing.

i personal prefer 2nd semester, the close feeling were there.

*hope everything get to solve soon.*

2008-03-29T13:05:00.005+08:00

我要回去回去回去！我真的很想回到原来的我们！T－T 难过。

我的生活

2008-03-23T19:47:00.002+08:00

为什么，我越来越开心不起来？

helpless baby elephant.='( papa..

2008-03-23T19:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I get a bus back to my house. On the way back, there's an uncle sit beside me. He was an uncle with white hair. I did thought of something. ~~~> papa. I wonder to see daddy with white hair. How he will look liked? Wonder and wonder. But I would not get the chance to see. Cause daddy left. He hibernates now. He would not awake from his sleep, forever. Wonder where people will go after left the world. Another world? With peace and love? With no luan no worries?

People really doesn’t know any single thing anymore when can get into hibernate? Why life so tiring? Every week, I hope to get good or happy news when home. But then what will be send into my ears my mind was just worries and unhappy. Why? Is it that hard? I kept my positive mind. But what is actually going on? I was tired. I felt my tired all the way.

~> no money no life <~ this is reality, chasing me. Papa, I did miss you much. Teach me what to do? I dreamed of you, I think you hope to see me with no worries and happy always. What if I can’t stand? What shall I do?

Gohgoh dreamed of something. I worried. He said, he dreamed I gave him a call, told him mummy gone. What is a worst dream? Everything will be fine? Mummy’s health was my worries. She did always claim to me said that she not feeling well with her heart, her breathing problem. Today, she felt her head stretching. I can massage her when I’m by her side. What if I’m not around? Papa passed away under a serious stroke. Under a lot of life’s stress, he got a stroke. The stroke damaged his brain and he passed away. I lost my dearest daddy for a life time. I could never see him anymore in my life. The life’s stress left on mummy. She can stand? I worry high blood pressure haunted her, I worry she will get stroke as daddy last time, I always will do. How to go on? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? =’(

苦.

2008-03-21T13:19:00.003+08:00

现实生活里面, 你做过的好往往是不被记起的; 而你做过的过失,却是不被赦免的.

所以, 人, 千万千万要提醒自己, 永远不能错.

苦, 原来是三个十字架压了在口. 不被理解, 有苦自知.

我眼很浅, 哭了.

an unselfish love.

2008-03-15T17:37:00.002+08:00

14.03.2008

This day, I went to support kai wen on the real stage again. I saw something precious. [An unselfish love.] His parents, was always there no matter I first went to support him or second went. His parents was always there for him no matter when, no matter they are working or non-working. The power of love, love from parents towards their children. It is so unselfish. Parents can pay for everything as long that is for their children. Protect them; love them with heart and soul.

Kai wen's daddy mummy love towards him touched my heart, and so do touched many of the people’s sense. God bless kai wen can get into higher stage. He chasing his dream, he is now shining liked a star. We are glad because of him.

Kai wen, our superstar, must add oil harder ya~ =)

给dada。

2008-03-15T12:48:00.005+08:00

发觉和你似乎有距离了，敏。你的部落格是我常会游览的网页。今天，不很经意的看了一篇说你这学期最开心的一天。你的乡友回家没继续升学了，在你的部落格看见了你的无奈，着急和难过。你不开心。又得重新学习独立了，这或许是你想的。可是，你真的不孤独的。或许是我还不能谅解你离乡背井的感受吧。可是，我还是希望你一直好好的。勾勾手，要快乐，知道吗？你们出去闹闹了，不记起我，介意。我很诚实，是介意。因为在乎。我还是老样子，会第一时间想想是否自己出了问题。这次也不例外。是否我太过于保护这一段爱情以至疏忽了你们？我是不是真的有疏忽你们的时候了？所以，我被隔离了。我们的班级有数个圈圈，我和你像就快活在不同的圈圈了。敏有看见筠的着急吗？我很着急。T-T 心里就像有块石头紧压着。情绪也跟随着漂浮，很不稳定。第一学期第二学期，你是我最亲近的朋友。还记得你责备，因为我还放不下那伤我的他。还记得你着急，因为我的家里状况或许不允许我继续升学。我不想有面墙存在的感觉，难过。希望你们知道，你们依然会是我很在乎很在乎的朋友，很很亲爱的朋友，无论怎样。

my life.

2008-03-15T12:08:00.005+08:00

got to visit here to update my post finally.

i've failed two subjects for my 2nd semester. account failed as expected, get F. marketing failed as UNEXPECTED, get C-. gosh, get more few markhs then should be can passed already. sigh. having three subjects in this semester, resit two subjects, totally five. FIVE, the number can stress me hell. short semester, next week having mid term exam.

study study study > . < ! i want to get into 2nd year!

i have started as a part-time promoter two weeks ago. olympus camera promoter. weekday was my college day and weekend was my works day. tired. family financial cant maintain stability already, i really do not hope i cannot get to pay my tuition fees in college. i want to continue my study. i want to graduate. everything will be going well? i hope.

can get into very upset very sudden recently. what is actually going on?

my life, good or bad? good and bad along. *balancing*

baby elephant's pray.

2008-03-06T01:15:00.004+08:00

I had found the one for me. I had found what I want. My dear God, please do not take it away from me.

I am afraid. I am actually really afraid about my health. Maybe I've think too much. But that is a fact there only I will be afraid, uncle’s sick. Uncle went for medical check-up under an internal bleeding. When the report was out, he got blood cancer. I am having an internal bleeding same as uncle. Just that it will only be at some time, not every time. When the sometime was come, it will be very often.

I have not gone for a medical check-up. I do not know what I am thinking, but I know I am afraid to lose anything with me now. I will be worry I got any sick with my body, really worry. If anything on me, Mummy will? I will lose something? I had found my happiness, God, you are kind. Please, please ever last this happiness for me, please do not keep this back, and please do not keep this away from me. I please you. Thanks. I would not will to lose him, I would not will to lose this happiness which he gave me hardly, I would not will! I want with him forever and ever, he was the one in my heart who for marry. Maybe my thinking seems to be silly, child, but it is real. I will follow this guy always, would not change. So please, please allow me a healthy body. I will be really thankful.

I do not want to make worry. I do not want to burden mummy. I do not want. I hope everything will be fine. Daddy, you look after me? Up there? Some time, I would confuse whether papa existed before? Whether papa really left me? Whether… papa, you know. I do miss you much much much and much. Every time, I will not realize, my tears dropped. You know.

papa's baby elephant.
helpless baby elephant.
06.03.2008

genting~snow world~family~laogong~friend

2008-02-29T21:19:00.004+08:00

24.02.2008- I and laogong went to genting with mummy, gohgoh and bingbing, fui and edmund, foo and cheau.

We went there by bus. The whole journey to genting I was thinking of the last time went genting with laogong, then I smile. =) that time we still not yet couple, but then he was the one sat beside me. Destiny leads us together, I cherish what I have.

This trip means a lot for me. Firstly was my family, it's a long long time we never gather for a trip as this time. I love the feeling being so close with gohgoh; know more about bingbing; walk along with mummy; have dinner 5 persons in a table; took photo just as a happy family; mummy was happy to see I found someone who loved me a lot; glad to see gohgoh found a good good girlfriend. Daddy, do you see all of this? =) I know you do. Thing is changing following time, but girl girl now whispering to daddy: can daddy let this happiness last ever and longer?^^ papa knows? Girl girl wish so much to share this happiness with daddy now.

After that, I am so happy having this trip with my beloved laogong. Snow world, another place he brings me to, which I wish for so long. I knew, I do believe, I am so willing in believing you are the one. Words can’t really express my feeling toward you. Love equals everything. You are my best thing ever, Mr. Tan kwo lung. *~*I love you*~*

Then, I was so excited to out with two of my dear friends. My dearest friend, cheau and fui. We were absolutely funny, loveable, happy and etc three friends. Couple together, live together, share together and etc.^^ I love to being with you all. I love. =)

Four pairs for this trip, it was a happy trip; it was a family trip; it was a friend trip; it was a couple trip. This will be my precious memories.

爱

2008-02-19T15:36:00.000+08:00

爱是包容
爱是宽恕
爱是陪伴
爱是唯一
爱是永远
爱, 是心疼对方的一切; 过往, 未来.
爱, 是珍惜如今眼前的一切; 之间的爱, 承诺, 对方.
爱, 是努力走向共鸣, 坚韧不言弃.
爱, 是走向永远的桥梁, 只会由浅至深.
爱, 是没有倒退的跑道.
爱, 是一份永远不会放弃的坚持.
爱, 是心跳的原动力.
爱, 是不会被动摇的; 无论什么, 怎样.
爱, 是永远的结合.

我爱你, 陈国龙, 一辈子了.

My laogong

2008-02-19T15:33:00.001+08:00

He is a cares guy.
He is considerate.
He is forgiveness.
He is tender.
He is soft.
He is brave; because he dare to kill laopo most scared de xiu keung keung.^^’
He is always gong gong; gong gong which cheer me always.

He loved me.
He sayang me.
He protected me.
He consoled me.
He accompanied me.
He comforted me when I am feeling upset.
He didn’t force me to positive thinking but then bring me to it.

I guess…

He likes coca-cola; because he always bought it as beverage.
He likes mix rice; because he always chosen it as his lunch.
He likes fried pork; because he did always pick it as dishes once he has his mix rice.
He likes spicy; because he always want to eat spice everyday.
He likes teh ice; because he always has it when mamak.
He likes chocolate.
He likes dark yellow in color’s bag; because he just bought one and has one last time.
He likes his friends; because he always lack of sleep because of the gather with them.
He likes comedy.
He likes his family.

Understanding will be deeper under our lasting relation.^^ laopo trust. =)

17.02.2008
Laopo. =)

My mummy

2008-02-19T15:26:00.001+08:00

Daddy passed away three years. Life is tough. Mummy tough enough, she was a superwoman. The entire burden left on her. She just liked get older in three years term. Very old. Brother, me, Colin, the whole family and etc. left on her. She will be very tired? Life is tough, a hard life is tiring. Mummy can stand?

That day view mummy from behind, a strong feeling haunted me, wish so much to tears. Mummy showering Colin on that time, remind me of daddy. Colin only listen daddy words last time, but she seems liked can know about daddy’s left. Her treat mummy as big master after daddy’s left, will be only won’t fierce towards mummy.

Daddy lost his work after one of the serious stroke which caused him disabled on his right. He stayed at home all the time and mummy went to work. Daddy became a house-husband. Mummy has not work after married daddy. Since that time, I felt mummy really a superwoman. At the same time, she tired all the time. Once wake, go for work; once backed, dinner and sleep. After a term, we used to the life. Family financial was stable. Unfortunately, another serious stroke haunted daddy again. This time we didn’t meet with the miracle which we met last time. Daddy didn’t awake from his sleep the first day or second day. He is coma. I can’t recall the memories how we able to stand for the one and a half month with facing a weaker and weaker daddy. How could we stand for the pain? The painful which from the bottom of our heart; everyday, every moments and every seconds. In the end, daddy had left us. Can’t stand, can’t stand also, this is the third year. Used to it? Ya, I think. But sadness will be followed the entire life once miss daddy. It is normal besides if daddy is not my daddy. =)

Daddy, you must bless mummy always. Bless her having a health body; bless her to be happy and no worries always. Ok? =) Daddy will be kept in girl girl’s mind forever. Daddy’s baby elephant. Girl girl love you, always will do.

16.02.2008
Baby elephant.

Sweet sweet valentine.^^

2008-02-19T15:23:00.001+08:00

The first valentine accompanied by loved one. You are the first who by my side on valentine^^ laogong.

First first plan to go Sunway Pyramid for skate de. End up go there walk walk only, time not allowed, too rush. Laogong accompany laopo walk many shops hunting for purse. T.T cant get laopo’s style, sad sad~ bo energy low battery already. Then laogong bring laopo go those outside skate court de shop kap kap. Blink blink^-^ found my purse~!!! Gold in color de, hello kitty de^^ happie~ yeah ^^v level up up already~ guai guai listen to laogong no matter what^^ laogong also happy happy cause no need force laopo eat eat laopo already guai guai follow laogong go mam mam.

We went to T.G.I. Friday for dinner. Both eat till full full. Time is already 11pm++, plan to take bus back, but then can’t get for the bus after an hour waiting at bus stand. End up laogong called daddy for fetching. First time meet with laogong daddy, a familiar feeling, feel liked laogong daddy is a person as kind as daddy. Miss miss daddy de. Hmm, don’t know how was laogong daddy opinion towards me leh? Good or bad?^^’ if bad le then cham cham liao lo. Hehe.

The next day wore laogong loose loose de t-shirt go mam mam, fetched by gong gong de laogong. Seat beside driver’s seat, laopo sat, felt safe, because laogong won’t let any bad thing happen on laopo de^^ laopo know. Mam mam bak kut teh, klang’s bak kut teh really different from KL de, a lot. After that, laogong fetched go home bring things then go ktm station. Laogong accompanied laopo till KL sentral wait laopo went into bus only left.

Laopo LOVE and APPRECIATE the feeling being protected. And so do this laogong. Won’t let go already lu~^^ muakx~

14.02.2008
Cloverkwan. =)

13.02.2008 zoo + titiwangsa, eyes on Malaysia

2008-02-19T15:21:00.001+08:00

Laogong bring me to zoo and mo tian lun in a day. Two places that means a lot in my trust. I have finally seen my penguin.^^ I have finally been to a round circle which fulfill with xing fu-ness with the one for me. Finally. =)

Xing fu mo tian lun. It is a circle, turn and turn without an end. Just as our love, I plenty hope it will be really without an end, till the death set us apart. You are the one for me, you are. I never had this feeling, and you are the only one gave me this unique feeling. I appreciate a lot. I love you, I really do. This is a SURE.^^

I thought that I will never have this happiness after every unfortunate happened on me. But it is a miracle when still believing in it; there can be miracle when you believe. Now I trust, I do really trust in this talked. You seem to be a miracle for me. You are the miracle for me, laogong.^^

CJ7

2008-02-19T15:17:00.003+08:00

Laogong came to kl on 12/02, we went to Times Square with cheau, fui and foo. Bumped into few of the ex-schoolmates. Watched CJ7, thought of papa when the climax of the movie which is Steven chow passed away under an accident. His son crying, my heart getting sour and sour. My tears begin to drop, until unable to stop from dropping. I’ve miss papa a lot. I have exactly a same thought that can papa just stay next beside me once I first open my eyes? On the first day papa had left me. Three years ago.

CJ7, a worth movie. There is a lesson, a taught for all of the children.

For laogong~

2008-02-19T15:09:00.001+08:00

Like like laogong is laopo everyday wish to do de thing.
Hold hold laogong is laopo everyday happy to do de thing.
Hug hug laogong is laopo everyday warm to do de thing.
Muakx muakx laogong is laopo everyday xing fu to do de thing.
Lub lub laogong is laopo wish to continuous do de thing.^^ everlasting.
Long long and long.

Suddenly think of all of this feeling when viewing to with laogong de photo. Laopo want laogong and laopo de photo become more more and more. Kaka.^^ cause laopo felt so sweet every time view to the photo. Gong gong de^^ hehe.

Laopo does not want thing to change, laopo hate. For some of the specific changing, laopo will accept and used to it. From sweet to stable; from stable to another stage… every stage also with sweetness that is the most happiest thing.^^ hehe. Laogong let laopo feeling secure all the way. Laopo will format away the entire sad thing from this day. Save the entire sweet memories sweet things with laogong. Keep it forever. If there will be any accidentally unhappy thing between laopo and laogong, laopo will also erase it.^^ 被你握住是在此当儿最幸福的事.^^ 你成了我最大的喜悦. 一颗心交了给你, 你要握好握牢兼保护哦~^^ 因为~我打算握着你不放了咯. 我爱你. Muakx muakx ^.^

Visit to the hospital twice in a week

2008-02-19T14:59:00.001+08:00

I do not know what is wrong with my stomach actually. I went into hospital twice in a week. I feeling strain in my stomach for the first time went into hospital. Then, have an injection, get some gastric and pain killer medicine. The worst taste was the liquid medicine. Wuwu~

Laogong so funny^^ gong gong go bring along sweet for me to eat those medicine, liked cheating child. Hehe.

The medicine brings me to sleepy. I am having accounting paper the following day, did not do properly for revision, too tired already. So, follow wei peng’s word – resit for A.^^” I do not know can how besides keeping this so called positive thinking. I even slept in the exam hall while the exam is on, leave early for the paper, the first time. Sigh. Tell me how.

I cried actually after left the hall, outside. Then sit at the staircase there until fall asleep with the sitting position. Awake that time the exam is over, saw many peoples once open the eyes, so paise. After that, sight keeps searching for my gong gong de hubby. Really wish to lie in his shoulder to cry at that moment. That was my first time to do that way to my exam paper. An empty sheet was passed up, waiting for resit and nothing can do. At last did not cry, do not want laogong to worry. I am fine. The most resit nia.^^

That day lunch I ate mix rice, home that time I extremely not feeling well actually. Plan to shower already only sleep de, but then end up changed pants already straight away lied down and slept. Laogong accompanied by side till I awake from my “nap”.^^’ It is very late in night already, did not feel any hungrier, straight away go shower then lying again. Laogong reheat de soup also did not drink. When really wake that time already middle at night, laogong went down with friend already, drank the soup continue sleep.

The next day, really oh my god. Not feeling well since awake. Can felt a lot of gas inside stomach, feeling vomit but nothing can out, diarrhea for whole day. Till night I unable to stand for the pain already, so I do ask fui’s boy fetch me to doctor. Arrive to general hospital, have to wait, the time just liked getting long and long, I can not stand for the wait already cause my stomach liked pain till going to break. They send me to tawakal after that. Doctor said he treat my case as food poisoning. Have an injection, lied for almost half an hour, take medicine again, can go home.

Went home, I am still standing for the pain, having paper the following day again. Hectic~ why always get sick day before exam? T.T did badly in the last paper, nothing can do lo~ cheat own self that everything will be okay, the most resit only ma.^^’ sot already.

Went hospital twice in a week. What is actually wrong with me? After the two weeks in national service camp, my digest system got problem till now. Sigh. T.T can I do not make worry? Sad.

Baby elephant.
05.02.2008

lover's concerto.

2008-01-31T23:48:00.000+08:00

how gentle is the rain
that falls softly on the meadow
birds high up on the trees
serenade the clouds with their melodies

oh~
how gentle is the rain
that falls softly on the meadow
birds high up on the trees
serenade the clouds with their melodies

oh~
see there beyond the hill
the bright colors of the rainbow
some magic from above
made this day for us
just to fall in love

you'll hold me in your arms
and say once again you love me
and that your love is true
everything will be just as wonderful

now
i belong to you
from this day till forever
just love me tenderly
and i'll give you every part of me

oh~
don't ever make me cry
through long lonely nights without us
be always true to me
keep this day in your heart eternally

you hold me in your arms
and say once again you love me
and that your love is true
everything will be just a wonderful

laopo love this song much much.^^

http://www.phuongkhanhco.com/?flash=lover_concerto> lover's concerto

our love~

2008-01-28T13:12:00.000+08:00

i have cried. because i did really afraid from the feeling being left out. left by papa.. i hardly remember the feeling. heart ache-ing. i am feeling helpless all the way. what i am able to do?

hope but does not hope for the promise. hope it because feeling secure by it; does not hope it because afraid some day will be disappointed. i have get a learned from my past. i would not let it repeat any again. he left me because of my negative thinking and i am a sad girl always. i would not let YOU again, and for sure you will not left me liked that. you care me when i keeping my negative thinking, comfort me, tenderly. i am blessed.

i am able to smile when with you, real smile. i hope it can be last. really hope, plenty hope. i am glad because i belong to you. and i willingly belong to you long long long and long. thanks for being with me, care me, love me, sayang me, taken me always, laogong. i think, i should confident to our love. that's our love. something [P.R.E.C.I.O.U.S]

papa, where are you? T-T

2008-01-28T13:01:00.000+08:00

i was just hoping for a happy family. simply hope. but why? that also can't? i really hoping for it. really.

i dreamed papa. papa passed mummy hand to me, purposely walk slowly, leave us. i ran, i have ran so hard to chase, i ran backward. but end up i can't get papa. i have lost my papa. i miss you much, pa. show me the way for me to continue. i am tired. totally tired. pa..

永远. 可以吗?

2008-01-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

爱情有全保吗?
如果爱情有保险可言, 授益人可以是自己; 保金可以是忘情丹吗?
为什么爱情这么伤?
属于你, 是幸福的. 很幸福.
我愿意永远属于你. 很愿意.
可是, 可以吗?
就是害怕. 很害怕你会有舍得离开我的一天.
我知道自己真的爱你. 很爱很爱.

marketing. sigh. rainy day. @.@

2008-01-25T17:28:00.000+08:00

今天考市场的那一科, 大家都很憋~=.= 扰人的市场学, 都是背的. 不过理解了也蛮容易记的.^^' 是懒惰惹的祸啦. 这是第一张我早离考场的试纸, 亲爱的看着我, 有点无助, 我有点无奈. 所以, 就跟龙说, 我要等敏. 等着等着, 雨倾盆的下, 还没看到亲爱的, 担心~T.T 就让龙信息她, 没复. 总算等到她了^^ 跟德海一块. 放心~^^ 之前还有点怕那傻婆又一个人走回家. 让后就跟着龙回家咯. ^^

rainy day. T.T wet wet de. hate hate ne. exclude that if i am in home and plan to sleep la.^^ outside? nono~ hehe. stupid red color de WHB3209 myvi.T.T make my pants all wet. wuwu~ kolian de me.

hehe. laogong hold umbrella very gong gong ne^^ kaka. want train train laogong to hold umbrella liao^^ but, still. got laogong beside, what also sweet sweet, what also happy happy ne. even just simply hug hug by laogong, cover by laogong from tio rain^^ laopo like to protect by this laogong. MUCH >.< . ble~ muakx~~

still two subjects left. jia you ba. sigh.

bo mood bo feel to study already.

i wish i could.

2008-01-23T17:09:00.000+08:00

study study study. exam exam exam. siau one lo.T-T wuwu~

that day telan de notes also haven't manage to vomit out then have to telan again. *sob sob* study actually for exam or our own good? i know the answer actually, it's for our own good. but why i am acting so shit? sigh. ='(

i hope i could able to DO NOT know what is STRESS means actually.

we are trying again and again on the way we had chosen. the road, we had chosen. our future is holding in our hand, we decide for it. we are chasing for our dream? no, i am chasing by reality. a cruel and cold reality. silently.

i know the important of education.

what i am able to do???

3x@m. @.@~ 17.01.2008-31.01.2008

2008-01-22T13:54:00.000+08:00

stress enough. sigh. i need a blue sky to take a rest.

3 more papers to go. marketing, haven't start revision yet. account, know nothing about. kitchen, haven't in situation yet.

~> worst daughter <~ papa must be geik xim lo~^^"

spending my time here to release some stress, does not will to face the notes any longer @.@. i think i have lost my spirit in study, have to get it back. >.<>

gong gong already. study till gong liao. i have tried my best in 3 papers which passed up, hope it is fine, hope it is well. AT LEAST, pass. T.T please~ wuwu~

``*~xiao yi xiao =), mei you shen me shi qing guo bu liao~*``

cloverkwan.

L.I.K.E.S. =)

2008-01-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

喜欢那五公分的距离, 那恰到好处的高度, 正正的能够让我依靠着的肩膀;

Likes that five centimeters distances, that just right altitude, can let ME depending upon the shoulder;

喜欢那我盖不完的手, 厚厚的温度, 都把我牵得好牢好牢;

Likes that I cannot cover all HAND, the thick temperature, all pulls me tightly;

喜欢那轻轻的吻, 让我知道我不孤单,让我深深的感受到被爱;

Likes that gently KISS on my lips, lets me know I am not alone, let me deep feeling love;

喜欢那指间残留的烟蒂味, 因为那让我知道自己被你一直的握着;

Likes that figure of residual cigarette butt taste, because that lets me know self continuously being GRASPED by you;

喜欢那宽宽的肩脖, 让我能够完完全全的卧在里头, 取暖;

Likes that width SHOULDER, lets me be able complete lying in inside, warms up;

喜欢那大大的脚, 让我可以像小孩那样踏了上去, 撒娇, 耍赖;

Likes that big foot, enabled me to be possible to look like the child such to tread, acted like a spoiled brat, acts shamelessly;

喜欢那[爱你], 让我甜了进心里头;

Likes that [loving you], let me sweetly enter inside the heart;

喜欢你轻轻的拍着我的头;

Likes you gently patting my head;

喜欢你呆在我身旁待我睡着;

Likes you staying in my side waits me to fall asleep;

喜欢你的[不舍得];

Likes your [not giving up];

喜欢你的不随便的承诺;

Likes your not simply pledge;

喜欢你的[尽我所能];

Likes your [Try my best];

喜欢你的体贴;

Likes your sympathizing;

喜欢你的温柔;

Likes your gentleness;

喜欢你的谅解;

Likes your forgiveness;

喜欢你的细心;

Likes your care;

喜欢这一个重视我的你;

Likes this taking me YOU;

喜欢你在我压力的时候陪我伴我安慰我逗我;

Likes you in my pressure time accompany me to comfort me to tease me;

喜欢这一个不会放我一个人的你;

Likes this not being able to leave me alone YOU;

喜欢你因为关怀的责备;

Likes your blames which shows loving care;

喜欢你, 喜欢这傻傻的你, 太喜欢了.

Likes you, likes this gong gong YOU, too liked.

幸福的滋味在一直一直的滋长.

Happy taste in continuously developing.

被爱是幸福的,

Beloved is happy,

在享受被爱的过程中,

In enjoys the process which being loves,

更体会到用心去爱一个自己想爱的人,

Realized attentively loves the human who own want to love,

也是同等的幸福.

Also is the same level of happiness.

I love my LAOGONG.=)

2008-01-19T01:42:00.001+08:00

got to do myself when i am with you. glad to get my stuff in your profile.

thanks for being with me. ^^

2008-01-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

Both of you did told that can’t find the feeling from your ex. I think should be say as the sweet feeling. ^^ Hmm, is it because, I did love with my sincere heart every time began a relationship? I hope our relation could be last. Plenty hope. How to last? Show me the way. =) I will make it to be really last.

Throw away the past. You won’t hurt me as the way he did. This is my trust. =)

I never need to act in front of you; the feeling being backed myself was GREAT. ^^ I have showed my real to you, without acting, without hiding. I love you, I really do. ^^

I appreciate. I appreciate all the time, every moments which with you. Thanks for being with me. Gong gong de hubby ^.^ muackszZ~

真的好喜歡你﹐喜歡得我好想大聲的說出來。我愛你。

`~* I KNEW I LOVED YOU BEFORE I MEET YOU *~`
*~` HOLD ME TIGHT `~*
*~`~* MA MR. RIGHT *~`~*

gong gong de hubby. deep in ma heart*^^

2008-01-08T15:08:00.000+08:00

closer day and day. like the feel. hope it would not fade away. faithful.
mr. tan kwo lung. gong gong de hubby. ma mr. right? * love you, with my heart and soul.* how long how far i do not want to think, cherish hard hard every moments i'm with him.
07/01/2005, papa went into hospital. 07/01/2008, baby elephant's heart fully recover? miss papa is a MUST*. life is tough. where are papa now? fade far far already? what is right?
like you, like you and like you. i feeling shouting to the world that i like you and i really really do. i wish to announce to the world that i am with you.^^ a STRONG feeling. a CLEAR feeling. sure. i am in love with you right now and the feeling will be last. as long as you are with me and would not let go. i will not be the one giving up, here i said. to the world, i said.

mummy birthday.

2008-01-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

03/01/2008, mummy birthday. celebrate with mummy, bought a blueberry cheese cake, brought her to capri for dinner. mummy was happie. mummy, really old already. have to cherish her more than what i can. our turn to sayang, love and take good care of her le. papa, girl girl promised you here. promised.
03/01/2008, my happiest moment.^^ sadness really farewell with me. happiness really shaked hand with me. holded me. hehe. keep calling me laupo de gong hubby, this gong gong kia really got his idea to cheer me up. but i did not reply him "lau kong"^^. still pai pai seh seh de neh~ follow the time flow. will be used to it.
happie happie happie de neh~ unexpectedly.
my face muscle worked le whole day. sour and pain oh~ keep smiling lo.^^' aiyo~ non-stop de smile. siao already. this happiness never fall on to me for a long long term. really, really long long long term. i will cherish the thing i am owning now. it is precious.=)
i am blessed. finally.
papa, you looking after me somewhere up there? thanks for sending a guy liked him to me. the feeling being protect, cherish and love. i hardly remember. permanent. papa, i still miss you a lot.

2007, 悲伤的终结处. 2008, 快乐的无止境.=)

2008-01-01T14:15:00.000+08:00

2008了. 充满喜悦.

心里起起伏伏, 告诉自己, 乐观积极. 嗯!

我们到云顶结束属于我们的2007, 灿烂烟火迎接了2008. 他, 就在我身边. 只是, 感觉似乎怪怪的. 不知道. >.< 再一次那样的结局? 哎哟~~ 不想想.

好啦, 既然不想想. 那么, 就记载下云顶一日游吧. 叫人, 约好再确定. 完成任务. 重大任务是由虹完成的, 她就在上午五时跳了起床, 赶来赶去, 买我们行程的车票. 任务完成. 上了国语课, 回家咯~ 哎呀~~ 没巴士=( 等等等, 终于~~ 哈哈. 到家了, 以为还有足够的时间. 哎呀~~ 都快到11点了, 约了霞11.30, 赶忙洗澡去. 赶赶赶, 好啦. 国龙就告诉我, 耀辉家里有事情要办, 来不成了. 心情下降了大半格. 呜呜~ 然后等巴士咯~ 哎呀~~ 糟糕, 我们就快要迟到了. T.T 妈妈~

一到地铁站, 亲爱的双手插腰的瞪了瞪我, 喊, 迟到!!! 因为我就在最前面嘛~ 害我吓到一下. 嗯, 亲爱的好坏哦~T.T 好啦, 还好赶得上巴士. 云顶之旅就这样开始咯~

上到去我们先去认领一只猪~^^ 哈哈. 就接廷俊, 一起出去户外玩. 第一项与他一起玩的游戏就让他给恶整了. T.T 云霄飞车~ 坐了第一个位. 好可怕哩~ 害我还敲到脚黑青掉=.=' , 痛咧~ 接下来也是个"云霄", 冲上云霄, 这简直我的妈呀~ 原本就说好坐廷俊和国龙的中间, 谁知给芒加里呀星给捣蛋掉, 害我们三个分了开来, 我可是分得很开, 很开. /_\' 结果咧~ 不就哭着下来咯~ 吓傻掉, 丢脸到家.=.=' 第一份镇定剂, 其实, 好暖. 可是, 还是不纵许自己期望以为些什么. 秋千, 海盗船和转转杯都没特别事件.^^' 哈哈. 之后咧~腰骨痛得七彩, 就没玩水上木舟了, 廷俊也在闷着呕的, 国龙不知怎么也没玩. 亲爱的, 芳, 霞和虹去玩. 队很长, 所以等很久. 我也在外面小歇了那一段时间, 他也帮我按摩了那一段时间, 腰骨疼痛才算减少了. 不过却冷得半死~原来在冷的地方睡下去, 醒来时是那么的冷~冷得我忙在颤抖, 牙齿也在摇~过后就去找吃的. 吃饱了到雪屋望了好久, 其实真的很想, 很盼望进去, 但几个亲爱的都累垮冷呆了, 就放弃了. 下次吧, 一定有机会. 雪屋可没有脚, 哈哈^^'

这样摇逛摇逛, 要到倒数时刻了, 赶忙挤了去观烟花. T.T 被人摸屁屁, 还看不到, 好衰噢~ 随后换了个地点, 好漂亮的烟花, 灿烂. 喜悦, 是因为你站了在我旁边吗? 碰巧的站了我旁边. 倒数完了, 07结束了. 悲伤截止了.

我们变成了流浪汉, 东借寝, 西借睡. 熬到了今早, 总算天亮了. 亲爱们都累垮掉了, 只有我一个蹦蹦跳, 还想去雪屋. 买了9.50的巴士票. 回家了咯~

2008愉快~ 都19了, 事情过了, 风轻云淡. 我们都要快快乐乐~=)

colorful & happiness

2007-12-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

i found that i prefer my world being colorful.=) even in my blog. i have make my blog more colorful by color the words. i wanna get back myself.
when thing come to it's end, it will really end. it is end, in a formal way. obviously, it is end. the story end, fade away. the feeling are not 'alive'. christmas, i am able to pass without tears. the date, i am able to stand without you. everything, i am able to go on without your accompany. i am able to live, WITHOUT your promises. i am fine. FINE enough, strong enough.
there are less than 3 weeks goes to final. stress me enough. i cannot sleep well for this few weeks, and i did know very well i am not going to have a good sleep or even nap after this. i am totally ran out of confident for my account. i know nothing about it, how i am going to examing with it? =( how?
there are still other subjects, how i am going to manage with it? i am afraid, i am worry. there are still two presentations have not go. lecturer on MC. prepared nothing about it. sigh.
between, there are still something worth for celebrate. our house having a good news.=) kai wen, add oil harder ya. our family are always here for you, supporting you.=) all the best to you. you can do it!!

brand new de clover. 2008.

2007-12-24T13:39:00.000+08:00

going to times square today. never expect this to be our destination.=) hmm. but cherish also. cause being with my dear dear classmate^^ how will thing be later? i will be tears or not? remind me of something? =) be strong be strong now!!
x x x
today 26th already, i am standing strong now. i am fine? past that is past. everything end. that is a foot stop there.=) i am cheer. hope that there is no any sadness after the point.

worm. i like the feeling with you by my side.=) hope everything run into the right way.

アイラブユー。

那是我爱你的意思.

每逢佳节倍思亲

2007-12-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

每逢佳节倍思亲,好想念爸爸.突然间的想起了爸.三年了,没有爸爸的冬至,一个再没法团圆的家庭.爸爸,你都还好吗?这一个家,撑得好苦.真的好想好想你.能否再在梦里给我一个拥抱?我似乎再没有撑下去的力量.是给予我们的惩罚吧.让爸爸永远只能活在追忆里面,再让我们看不到触不到.

不再有你的圣诞节(21.12.2007)

2007-12-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

从开始点滴点滴的希望你的网页会有些许的提及我,到后来知道了不可能,更清楚[不可能]的原由.我不是你的谁,更从来不是谁.只有悲哀了.这一个我,这一段过往,不再存在.忘了.今天21了,心里没有澎湃,还没有.这一个圣诞,我要疯狂点.我要忙碌,我要狂奔,狂跳,狂喊.就是不要疯狂的想起你,疯狂的心痛,不要狂哭狂飙泪.不要.或许已经不会哭泣,可是,要做足一切防范措施.或许再想起你,已没有任何感觉,可是,还是害怕泪水的滑落.

挑一张夜诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底
你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大
城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家

问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话

你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我
还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长
回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话

你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我
还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我
还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

你最近都还好吗?磷光里看见你像似瘦了憔悴了.我这陌生人的问候, 很卑微.甚至, 不必开口.保重.不会被带到2008.我说的.

daddy.

2007-12-17T17:19:00.000+08:00

aiya~~ bek chek. =.=' one more month to go. final exam. cham cham lo. T.T
account still in blur de leh. *sob sob* tell me how.
i can felt the stress from now on. this semester i does not only aim for passing. but something higher than it. hope i can really reach my goals. have to start my revision le.
since when? i does not really care about my studies. since when? i am not aiming for a good result but just pass. since when? i am no longer crying for my bad result. since when??
daddy gone almost three years already.
where are the baby elephant had been to?
i miss you much.

爱上了.

2007-12-17T17:00:00.000+08:00

回家路上又有死老鼠. T.T
^^幸好他在. 把我闪到了一边去.
很喜欢被保护的感觉. 不多想. 就算只是朋友成份的保护也好.^^ 就是很开心. 眼里跟行动的着急, 我珍惜. 一天一天的更喜欢他一些了, 该怎么办?
说好了要找一个爱自己的人, 现在呢? 又冲了个头进去. 无奈的咯~
=) 今天是十二月十七号. 一切听天由命的吧~ 月老公公, 你是疼我的哦? 希望这一次, 一定疼到底.

筠的内心. 我的内心. 深处.

2007-12-15T01:33:00.000+08:00

友谊. 因为受伤了, 胆怯了. 我希望, 诚心的在祷告, 现在的一切一切, 不会再溜走了. 这一次若再跌倒, 我已经不能够担保再能不能站起来. 敏, 霞, 芳, 虹, 我亲爱的H9, 给我继续相信的勇气. 很爱你们, 真的很爱很爱. =)

敏, 别没事东想西想的. 亲爱的, 你把心事扛得好重好累了吗? 应该, 很累了. 你都频频的在哭泣, 弄得我不知道要怎样了. 疼疼的~要乖哟. 爱你的.傻婆勾勾手, 不哭了哦. 傻婆. =)

我们彼此不晓彼此的过去. 这里是洗洁了一切的静洁地吗? 大家的重生? 掏心的. 我还是不顾一切的掏心对待身边的一切. 若天在明天要倒塌了, 那, 就明天才算吧. =) 真心, 要比假意来得简单轻松得多. 我还是喜欢当回这样的我. 是太傻还是太天真? 这那么现实的一切里面. 我一直相信的, 真的存在着吗? 我希望, 真的. 我相信有天使, 我相信有守护星. 我都相信. 我相信童话, 我相信奇迹. 只是, 我的奇迹还未降临. =) 再积极点乐观点.

喜欢你喜欢你喜欢你. 喜欢得我很想很想大声的说出来了. T.T 怎么办? 无奈. 除了怎么办还是怎么办. 忐忑不安. 似有似无, 若即若离. 好无奈. 我要的踏实呢? 已经块哭了. 我还是那么的不理智吗? 选择自己喜欢的才是幸福, 这是我执着的. 那万一他不喜欢自己呢? 被疼惜, 幸福吗? 那如果不是自己最爱的呢? 那又幸福吗? 为什么幸福那么的难? 是自私吗? 人类就是即贪心又自私的动物.

我喜欢你, 傻佬( 木头人> . < ). 你几时了? 还是我和你的结局依然会逃不过那一样的结局? 想太多. 希望我能办得到顺其自然吧. 希望.

晚安. 美梦. 明天一切更美好.

2008.. a new life..

2007-12-15T01:06:00.000+08:00

i am still staying in the past? not with love. not the past which with him. but the past that gave me a lot of happiness. the time passed along with friends. i miss a lot. but i have to go on and on. because it did remind me of pain? i am dumb. escape and escape. it's hurt. friends.

i wish i can lay my trust into the past. once again. i sincere hope. maybe.

kei, maybe i have became a stranger for you. so do i. i hope you are having a happy life. when you moving on to kampar? take good care when your family and friends are not along with you. =) good luck.

ni, how are you? everything still fine? be tougher.

peng, fei and ling. thanks for stand by my side all the time. i am totally get out from the past with sincere company from each of you. a long long way. i get over it. i would never bring it to 2008. promised.

this coming Christmas. i am gonna have fun with my new life. =) going to genting probably. this Christmas isn't lonely. i think.^^ and i will sure love and precious it a lot. awaiting for it. =)

all who caring me all the time. i am able to stand. kwan is able to be tough. clover is still alive. encourage me. I WANNA BE STRONG!!!

特別給敏的話。^^

2007-12-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

給我親愛的敏﹐

我的傻婆。乖乖不哭。對不起﹐我覺得那天我也應該有說錯話的份兒。對不起﹐因為我的大意。對不起﹐因為我無心的忽略。對不起。我沒有丟下你沒有嫌棄你﹔也不會丟下你不會嫌棄你。因為我知道被丟下被嫌棄的難受。=) 傻婆的你﹐你都清楚少根經是我的象征﹐大頭蝦是我的特質﹐傻傻的﹐是我的形像。可是﹐我的心﹐是真的。是你﹐芳﹐霞﹐虹等人讓我再次懂得“相信”的。甜流流的話我都不會講。我只希望你也一樣能夠釋開胸懷﹐讓我們也握緊你。你不孤單﹐大家都會想起提起你的﹐當你不在的時候。那天看你哭﹐真的很不知所措的乜。^^"你笨笨的你﹐那麼多不開心都自己在撐在啃。而我難過的時候你都洗耳供聽﹐嗯。。想想啊﹐不公平不公平﹐哪能我有難你同當﹐你有難自己當咧﹖行不通。=) 所以咧﹐以後﹐有什麼事我都會當你最好的聽眾的。勾勾手。除非咧﹐你不相信我咯。=) 呵呵﹐我也要偶爾霸道下才行^^ 不問﹐不代表不關懷。那是因為﹐我在等你說。你不想講的話﹐問了﹐你依然啞言。我是真的很想念上學期的你和我。=( 何時再現的啦﹖哼﹐我嘟嘴﹐我哭。我這就哭。='( 我們都在無止境的探索﹐新的緣份﹐新的人﹐新的事物﹐這或許就是人生。或許現在說好的永遠﹐都有變質的可能﹐但那是出自內心的沒錯。我真的希望不變質的東西。傻婆愛你喲~你都不會傷害我的。=) 你們都不會。^^好高興噢~別沒事東想西想的啦﹐那麼多耳朵給你用都不用。打給你扁掉啊。blekk~^^好啦﹐我這裡的時間已經快要凌晨了。你要早點睡噢~乖乜~晚安﹐美夢。

愛你的筠上^^

咯咯

不能雞毛蒜皮

生氣的啊

打屁股^^

~~closer than a friend, lesser than a lover~~

2007-12-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

the feeling came back to me. the HAPPINESS. the happiness which from big pat pat came back to me, from another YOU, with no pain, pain which get from him along with the happiness. you did the same thing as he did last time which really cheer me. even it is unpurposely, not with any special intention, not with any other meaning. but i am happy. can i do not fall into you? i am afraid. i am afraid from the hurt which i get from LOVE. i do not want to love, do not want to miss someone. my mood just liked cant control by myself, once i have lay on someone. should i leave or stay? what is in your mind actually? is there any spaces in your mind which 'own' by ME? is there any? i am now start thinking about you. thinking of you with smile, with sweetness, happiness. and a little bit of heartache. i unable to get know anything from you by my senses. i can sense other but not you. caused, i think i love you. did she lives in your mind? ='( i did pushed her to you. again and again. even not my willingness. but i seems to be used to it. maybe it will become a truth if i continue to it. who is there to advise me? when i am lost. what i want actually? ='(

~*~*closer than a friend, lesser than a lover*~*~

thing which changed.

2007-12-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

my dear complained to me that i have not update my blog for a long long term le.
well. i am here now.
between, there is lots lots thing had happened to me. thing which unexpected. thing which mess up my life. thing which reasonless.
ya, misunderstanding. if you stand straight to say so. i accepted. anything.

sadness. never gone.

2007-12-03T13:56:00.000+08:00

really hate always can get lighters in any corner of the house.
when goh goh can throw away the cigarattes??
sigh.
why mood just gone wrong?
why everything in mess again?
why always get into this kinda trouble?
frustrated.

who knows? i am actually sad.

2007-11-23T05:39:00.000+08:00

hard to get the time to post blog. past two weeks, stucked in assignment. same even for now. but manage to get the time to visit my page finally. a stressful life here. 8 assignments in a term. passed up 3, left 5. =( feeling vomit. rush, rush and rush.
went to pasar malam continuous two weeks.^^ sri rampai, with classmate. having a lot of fun. that is good.. =) but stomache now. against weak. how? =(
lots thing had happened. i have to replace for national service, being contact later on. sigh.

爱上了不后悔。傻瓜就是傻瓜，永远的傻瓜。可是，依然坚信有属於傻瓜的幸福。那幸福，存在着，一直一直。。dumb, T.T. leng ye. everything will be fine. trust will bring me always to the right. this guy.. future? further more? let it be. =)
“一个没有过去的人，还会期待未来吗？
只怕在未来，遇见过去的自己。”
“一个活在过去的人，
才没有未来。=)”
谢谢你，那回答我的。我的世界亮了。终於，天亮了。
“如果我还一直深爱着你，你是否还会呆在我身边？
如果我还一直在乎着你，你是否还会多看我一眼？
是否我已经不存在了，你才感觉到我的离开？
是否我已离开了，你才感觉得到我对你的好？”
这一段，没有特别给谁。只是，看得好心酸。

i love myself. =)

cloverkwan. sunny day once after raining.

CLUBBING* heart ache-ing..

2007-11-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

CLUBBING* 每一个来这里的人，不带着自己。
他们带着自己想遗忘的自己，尽情狂欢，尽情摔。
酒不醉人人自醉。我恨这样的我。
把我的情感拿走，喜欢人的情感。一喜欢，又痛了。隐隐作痛，挥之不去。是真的，很痛，很痛的。因为，我都选错。错的，是我选的；对的，是我放弃的。放弃我的，都是我爱的；守护我的，都是我遗漏了的。我真的恶劣到极点。
我不懂爱？。。还是，太懂爱？。。太爱然后受伤害。
我还记得。那一种我都很想遗忘的痛，是吃了几十包止痛药都止不了的。
忘了等待，忘了期待。连相信是什么，都记不得了。还懂哭，还懂笑，只是，不懂把自己遗留在哪里了？。。我，想你了吗？。。我这一滩烂泥，被风吹干了。该醒了。钟声都响了，灰姑娘被打回原型；只不过，属於我那负心的王子，不会拿着玻璃鞋追寻我。
其实，你从来都不知道的。每一回每一回我们都为我的悲观而吵架，每一回。。是可悲还是可笑？。。你说会陪我的，你却连这一个我心里的痛都看不到。妈妈说：“说穿了，他只不过不够爱你。” 。
收着好久了，哭了，我笑了。我还记得，我也曾经很乐观很乐观，在爸爸昏迷不醒的一个月半里头，我都很乐观很坚强，每一天每一天我告诉自己，爸爸会醒过来的。到那一天放学，才踏了进家里，哥哥看着我，他说：“妈妈问你，爸爸走的话，救不救？” 我鞋子还没脱，我楞住了。反复反复响着：什么救不救？衣服没换，鞋子没脱，用冲的用飙的，我跟哥去了医院。刚到步，伯伯和妈妈又看着我，问：“爸爸走的话，救还是不救？” “救啊！当然救！” “救他等於害了他，他只会继续受苦。” “girl，爸爸脑死了，救回来也醒不来，爸爸没有意识了的。救？” “girl，听mummy说，爸爸，一早已经脑死了，都不敢对你们坦白。” 那，那是晴天霹雳吗？。。是吗？。。我的期盼呢？。。我的乐观。。
两天，两天后，爸爸走了。我，妈，哥，人在医院，却都没能送爸爸那最后一程。
我的乐观，我的等待，我的一切，为我带来重重的一个打击。这一个秘密，无人晓。
自那一天，我的笑，非笑。我的坚强，只一味更突现我的悲哀。
原来，你的陪伴，是责怪。原来你的爱，是短暂。
现在的我，只会说：“过了。”
不想再想起你。
一个没有回忆的人，还能算活着吗？那么，我可以当那一个“死人” 吗？。。
我，好累。
是堕落吗？。。

折翼* 筠

给爸爸的信。

2007-11-05T20:21:00.000+08:00

问了好多遍，有爸爸的感觉是怎样的？。。我是乎忘了。。那天坐着朋友爸爸的车，想起了，原来载送，对一个爸爸来说，其实是很平常的事。多少年了？。。可以告诉我吗？。。到底多少年了？。。好久好久，我没有乘过爸爸的车了。。这一生也没机会了。。来世呢？。。我可以哭了吗？。。我，可以吗？。。三年了。。那一个清晨，才睡醒，迷惑了。。接受了爸爸离开的事实吗？。。我是接受了？还是逃避得太本事了？。。我是谁？。。

爸爸，你去到哪里了？。。还在我左右吗？。。我好想念你。。好想。。好想好想。。

baby elephant*

study for exam or exam to prove ourselves?

2007-10-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

hmm.. final exam result for first semester came out for more than a week already.. scroll over on my own blog just now.. only realised i didn't post anything about it..^^" why so blur recently geh^^"

i passed all subject taken.. got A for my japanese, B+ for my kitchen management and sanitation, B for my hubungan etnik, B- for my introduction to hospitality industry, C+ for my english language & economics for hospitality hospitality.. hmm.. not really good.. but it should satisfied me for my 'last-minutes' study's style^^'

have to get my study spirit as soon as possible.. cannot continue my "study's style" le..

ガンバテ！！！！ >.< !!!

对的时间，遇见对的人，是一生幸福。。

2007-05-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

对的时间，遇见对的人，是一生幸福；

对的时间，遇见错的人，是一场心伤；

错的时间，遇见错的人，是一段荒唐；

错的时间，遇见对的人，是一声叹息。

2007-04-23T10:44:00.000+08:00

“难道一个有缺陷的家庭，就提供不了温暖？。。就不可以完整了吗？。。”妈妈。。你的这一句响了在我耳里。。你知道我有多么的心疼吗？。。原来我们的家庭。。已经闹到了崩溃的阶段了。。哥哥变了。。妈妈痛心了。。女儿哭了。。妈妈也痛心了。。妈妈。。想抱抱你。。对不起。。我不乖了。。。让你心疼了。。

那一天。。“女儿。。既然他都不要你了。。算了吧。。好吗？。。他可以开始了他的生活。。你为什么不可以？。。。。”。。。妈妈。。突然那么告诉我了。。。我知道她难过了。。因为。。她眼睛红了。。。可是。。我不知道她为什么那么告诉我了。。。

我难过。。。。我想哭。。想喊。。我都没有了。。。原来。。哭不出。。反而木了脸。。是最难过的。。

解释，接受，推翻。。再解释，再接受，再推翻。。。这样的程序。。。真的好嚼心。。心疼得无法诠释了。。我没有办法再说着了。。我只知道。。我难过。。但是。。我不知道我有多么的难过了。。难过得我很想笑。。我哼着歌。。我望着天花板。。我抱着你给我的宝贝。。我对它说话了。。。。我。。哭了。。。

如果把我归纳入没用的人类。。我不会反驳。。。我做了我的所有。。。。我想为妈妈填填心里那缺了口的痛。。她还是感觉不到温暖了。。。我想好好的园爸爸的梦。。我还是垮了。。我想好好的生活。。还是因为所有。。崩溃了。。我想帮家里解决问题。。却增了烦恼。。让妈妈心疼了。。我想做一个能够给你欢乐的女朋友。。你还是因为我那么灰沉的世界。。离开我了。。我想慢慢的让自己好起来。。。。我还是受伤了。。。。

。。我想。。我的心情。。已经到了极限了。。。。。。我没有办法再承受再撑了。。。。。。。。。

my goh goh.. mummy and me love you a lots..

2006-09-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

i think.. i really dont know you..
who are you? who am i? what is suppose for me to do? what somemore i able to do?
goh.. i really felt heart pain.. i never thaught that i will still cry for you.. somemore cry until my eye become swollen.. both of me and mummy really dont know what is in your mind.. after papa left us.. we not sure whether you sad or just threat as usual..
this morning while i facing you.. i just felt.. strange.. that was too sad.. you live with me bout 17years.. what left for today.. just strange.. did you know?.. that was really a big shock for me and mummy?.. did you know?.. how much tear that we drop for you?.. just right after we get know bout what you have did.. did you ever think about us?.. did you ever think about our family?.. this family that less a person..
goh.. can you spend some time for this family.. we are not asking you to give anything.. we just need you to stay at home.. with us.. even one hour.. one minute.. or even one second.. is it really that hard for you to do for us?.. for me and mummy..is that really hard?.. that hard for you to do so?.. that hard for you to stay with us?.. we are from the same family.. we should be together.. why dont you realise bout it.. that was hard to get into a same family.. really hard.. that pre-destiny.. why cant you just appreciate it?.. why cant you?!.. my heart really painful.. and it does crying for now.. i am not sure whether you are really change or you just try to hide away from the fact that papa was gone.. i ensure bout it..
everyday.. when both of me and mummy get into sleep.. you only step back into this house.. when i out for school.. you still lying at bed and sleeping.. same as when mummy been to work.. we less talk.. less communicate.. less understanding.. can be never meet in the whole week even in the same place.. a small space..
that day.. my birthday.. when i got know and feel that you still sayang me.. i am really happy.. happy than ever.. but then.. why it change to be liked this today?.. i doesnt wish to face nowaday de you.. i dont know how to face..
goh.. i never tell.. but.. you know?.. i really love you a lot.. i care for you.. you will be my brother in my whole life.. nothing could be change this fate that with you be as my brother.. we were in this relationship for our whole living.. goh.. I LOVE YOU.. hope that you can know bout that and realise bout your attendent for this family was how much important.. we dont leave anyone in the coming future.. can? is it okie?.. deal a promise.. okie?..

..bitter memories*

2006-09-26T15:26:00.000+08:00

everyone are living with their past.. past will just left behind but it wont gone.. if really can make a wish.. i wish to close this profile that with you in.. forever.. a memories that full of hurt, pain, tears.. you left for me was just.. wu yan de jie ju.. i am fine.. really fine.. you were the one that left me behind.. i am not suppose to think of you.. not suppose to cry.. not suppose to flash back.. not suppose to make my way back turn.. what which true and cruel that is.. this bitter memories was factly with you in.. it make my love cant just be simple which only with happiness and sweetness.. worry and afraid has been added in.. it have been such a pain.. and.. I HATE IT!!!!!

回忆。。。*

2006-09-26T15:22:00.000+08:00

曾经的我。。。因为你。。。把自己扁得好卑微。。。一点的矜持都不存在了。。。
。。。只因为。。。太爱你。。。

曾经的你。。。给过我。。。太多的美好。。。使我忘了其实从没到达爱的天国。。。
。。。结果。。。跌了个遍体鳞伤。。。

如今的我。。。有了属于自己的生活。。。而这一个“世界”里。。。没有你的存在。。。
。。。才知道。。。原来没有你。。。我依然可以好好的过活。。。

如今的你。。。呢。。。？。。。过得。。。还好吗？。。。是否一切都安好？。。。
。。。这一次。。。才知道。。。你在我心里的成份。。。

。。。会。。。这会是回忆里。。。这一个故事的冰点。。。因为。。。你走了。。。真的走了。。。没有道别。。。没有结局。。。没有交代的。。。走了。。。狠心的留下了这一个爱你直到忘了自己的我。。。

。。。可是。。。回忆。。。却是你所带不走的。。。留了给我。。。让我学着。。。如何。。。忘了你。。。

。。。是否。。。爱情。。。就是要把自己扁得好卑微。。。才称得上。。。“美”。。。？。。。“凄美”。。。

想对你说...

2006-09-03T10:49:00.001+08:00

我们要一起永远永远的噢!希望...嗯...

还记得那天我说的永远吗?...在我说这一句...我是真的把心放了进这一段感情...我知道...我们做不了什么...就只能够让时间一步一步的牵着我们向前走...只要我们都相信当下的感情...其实...够了...不要再问我为何总爱把她挂嘴边...我知道你懂的...

她只是你的回忆...只要让我知道...就够了...不要让我看到...因为...心会疼...会迷惑的...就算我有多相信你...都会迷惑的...你明吗?...不要再说我不相信你...

迷失...爸爸...我永远爱你想你...

2006-09-02T13:09:00.000+08:00

好不愿意忆起。。。那冰冷冷没有半点体温的躯体。。。

16/2/2005。。。望着你。。。眼泪决提了。。。那已经没有表情的脸，合拢着嘴，紧闭着眼。。。我已经无法与你谈着那一箩箩的心事。。。你已经无法握着我的手，坚定的告诉我，那会过去的。。。我除了沉默。。。已忘了哭泣。。。白布把你裸了起来。。。我做不了什么。。。

18/2/2005。。。感觉眼前一切慢慢的变得不清晰。。。才发现。。。那是泪。。。躺在棺木里的你。。。好安祥。。。我被教着说一些我根本不愿意说的话。。。明明心里不愿意让你走。。。却被迫放手。。。为了让你好过些。。。一个月半的搏斗。。。我知道你已经精疲力尽了。。。已经无力反抗死神的拉扯。。。唯有跟着。。。走了。。。送你的最后一程。。。在阴阴的天气下。。。是上天在替我表示悲哀吗？跪在柏油路上。。。膝盖不懂得疼了。。。就当做为你的最后一件事。。。

一年半了。。。你离开我。。。一年半了。。。我。。。习惯了吗？。。。原来不。。。时间过得越久。。。我只有越想念。。。越伤痛。。。我。。。原来真的好想念你。。。一年六个月零十一天后的我。。。哭了。。。哭得眼好痛。。。心更痛。。。他，心痛的责怪我的懦弱。。。我也好讨厌这流泪的自己。。。可是。。。除了哭泣。。。我根本说不出那心里的难受。。。那阵心痛。。。真的好痛的。。。痛得我想丢弃这一颗心。。。

天真的期盼你归来。。。好希望哪一个夜里，我冻醒了，刚好看见你正为我盖被。。。像以往那样。。。可是。。。每一个冻醒的夜里。。。陪伴我的。。。就只有眼泪。。。因为你已经不在了。。。那只更让我清楚。。。你已经离开了。。。走得好远好远。。。在那我望不到你的天国。。。狗狗那熟悉的摇尾姿势。。。总让我以为。。。你回来了。。。陪伴着我。。。从未离开。。。可是。。。那却只突现了。。。我有多傻。。。

有好多话想对你说。。。你听得见吗？。。。好失败的我。。。只会让身边的人为我心痛。。。我迷失了。。。对着书本。。。再也没有那恒心去念。。。曾经可以让我哭泣的跌落的成绩。。。现在变成了我将它视为最平常不过的不及格的成绩。。。对课业的那一份执着。。。我何时放下了？。。。我不想看到这样的自己。。。真的好恨这么一个我。。。曾经说过陪我的你。。。离开了。。。丢下了我。。。你不要看到我的成就不要等待我大学毕业了。。。我知道。。。那不是你想的。。。我没有责怪你。。。因为你曾经不舍。。。苦苦的挣扎了一个半月。。。每一次的呻吟。。。都完全显示了你的痛苦。。。而那你呻吟的画面。。。就成了我一辈子最痛不过的回忆。。。我必须努力的去念书了。。。已经不够时间了。。。可是我真的念不进脑子里。。。我该怎么办？。。。我能怎么样？。。。

爸。。。我好想你。。。真的好想念你。。。你在吗？。。。你可以教教我。。。我应该怎么办吗？。。。我到底应该怎么办？。。。

给一个曾经深深刻在我心里的你...

2006-09-02T13:05:00.000+08:00

我，搁下了那重重的包袱。我不应该再悲哀。

是时候学习拥抱快乐，不再愁眉苦脸。无论我再怎么哭泣，你都不会回首，那又何苦呢？是时候向一直为我等待的人微笑了。

我要郑重的向你告别，你可以回应我吗？就简单的满足我那一直都在寻答案的心，好吗？就一个答案。。。对你而言，不难，可是你就是不愿回应，不愿让我对你死心。或许沉默，已是你最好的答复。我会明白的。。。不再为你等待了，你给的伤害我承受不了。

我找到了死心的理由，不再有等待的借口。你走了，我知道，我也不该留。

空荡荡的房间，静静的空间，我听得见卜通卜通的心跳声。。。

“我太不懂得善待你了，可怜的心。。。对不起。。。我承诺，我不会再为你增添新的伤痕。。。不会再让你痛得无法呼吸了。。。我承诺。。。”。。。6/7/2006